Self inflictions

It’s hard when some of the worst mistakes of your life come out of the selfishness and narrow mindedness that dominate every part of our days. We look down upon these ‘sinful’ traits when others showcase them and talk them down as if we were ordained to rightfully villify these features. But when it hits you and you begin to hide behind the shell of these very traits that you loathe, it can only lead to hurt.

I talk in circles, I talk in pain, I talk with some of the most depressing parts of my life and decisions I made coming back to haunt me day and night and only because of my self centred nature. I hate myself for that. I hate myself for being unsure in life, I hate myself for hurting others and I hate myself for wallowing in self pity (it still goes on). I stand at a crossroads where I need to define my life ahead. I stand in the midst of ruins brought out by dishonesty and abandonment on my part.

Life goes on they say, but for me its going to be the toughest rest of my life. There’s a lot I have to learn, there’s a lot more that I have to follow, there’s much more to figure out and it may be too late but there is always hope. We all make mistakes, we may have to live with them… to err is human, to forgive divine… but divinity is rare in this hard world where hard decisions lead to harder consequences… hope is powerful but at times it remains just that.

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